This is my first article for Bright Cult and I’m very honored. I wanted to choose a topic that we don’t always find easy to access to, or sometimes we feel we don’t need. I have also come across a lot of bad advice on this topic and thought it was worth sharing my two cents on this topic. With all these preconceived notions I have selected the topic of “how to fix a broken heart” inspired by the book of the same name by Guy winch.
I have broken it down to a 5 step process which will put you on the road to recovery from a broken heart.
- Find Closure: Closure is the key to getting over a heartbreak. But, as we’ve seen, letting go can be hard when we can’t find a “good” explanation for what’s happened. That’s when you start digging ever deeper into the past and dwelling on information that causes you even more pain. So it’s a good idea to create your own – positive! – narratives to explain breakups if you don’t have a reason. These should be realistic but still, make you feel good. If you don’t want to accept the other person’s reason, just formulate one for your own sanity’s sake and this will make the process quicker and easier.
- Compile a list of Traits which made the person not a good fit for you: Yes, during a breakup we tend to remember the good things about the person, the good memories and all their characteristics which made them the King or queen of our hearts. But notice that it’s unrealistic, that someone can be that perfect and there were times, in fact, quite a few of them where their imperfections were on display but you may have overlooked, but were, in fact, signs that they weren’t the one for you. Once you have started thinking of this write down a list on your phone or a piece of paper, which you can keep in your wallet and the next time you think of a good memory of that person just read through the list of the reasons why this person is the wrong person for you. This will program your brain to believe that this person was actually imperfect and not the person you deserve to be with.
- Practice Mindfulness: The best way of getting yourself out of that trap? Mindfulness meditation, which is all about non-judgmentally focusing on the moment. You can be mindful when doing anything – even breathing. Just tune into your sensations. Really feel the wind on your skin, say, or focus your mind on the smells around you. Sometimes a negative thought will pop into your head. You’ll suddenly think something like “He/She really dumped me?” Acknowledge the thought and then return your focus to the present. The more you practice this skill, the rarer those negative thoughts will become.
- Reconnect with yourself: Another important step in the recovery process is to reconnect with yourself. Do that, and you’ll speed up the recovery process no end. When you’re in a relationship, “we” and “us” come to replace “I” and “me.” But now that you’re alone again, you’ll need to learn to reconnect with who you are. Remember, it’s not your actions that define you. Don’t be judgmental if you find yourself crying a lot or working out less after a breakup. The thing to focus on is who you’re going to become and what will help you get there. Doing that will put you back in touch with yourself and help you discover your true core.
- Find the right support: There is nothing in life which you can do on your own, and getting through a breakup is no exception. Share the breakup with friends who are patient and take their time to listen. It’s important to be patient at this time because there is no particular time frame to say that you’ll be alright by then. So whether you are the one who is recovering from a breakup or you know a friend who is going through this situation, be patient and understanding. Don’t be too judgmental and harsh if they keep breaking down. Reassure them that they’re on their way and eventually, they will be.
Following that 5 steps basic process, and avoiding blaming yourself will put you on the road to mending that broken heart. It’s important to know that the “Time heals all” notion does apply here, but you can get through a breakup quicker and more efficiently following these steps and without holding an unhealthy grudge on your ex. So please share this with anyone you know who is going through a breakup and let them know that it’s going to be fine.
Thanks to my dearest brother and author of this article Angelo Henry(Mel, AU) for writing this wonderful post in his busy schedule.